Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Happy Monkey Day 2011!

Has it really been a year already? Well, I guess you've been patiently waiting a whole year for it, so here are your top 10 Monkey and Primate 2011 News highlights to help you celebrate Monkey Day!

  • 10) Monkey Related Deaths

    I'm not really sure what these poor people did to piss off these monkeys, but I'm definitely going to leave an extra banana or two under the monkey tree this Monkey Day just in case any angry simians are lurking around:

    Man Falls To Death From Rooftop After Monkey Attack

    Monkey Pushes Stone, 1 Dies On Spot, 2 Injured

    Woman Falls To her Death After Monkey Pounces On Her

  • 9) 'Alien' Monkey Causes Panic In Chinese Village

    I want to believe.

  • 8) Drunk Zoo Visitor Attacked By Monkeys After Climbing Into Pen

    I did this once in the Llama pen, I woke up with a new wool sweater.

  • 7) Experiment Creates Advertisements To Sell Food To Monkeys

    For some reason I'm imagining a monkey forced to stare what at a flashing screen while Beethoven's Ninth Symphony plays in the background. Welly, welly, welly, well...

  • 6) Monkey 'Witch' Burnt To Death By Community

    Joke time! What do you say to an angry witch? Ribbit.

  • 5) Monkeys Urinate On Themselves To Attract A Mate

    Coming soon to a perfume counter near you.

  • 4) Gorilla Gains Internet Fame After Walking Upright

    I was going to make a Robin Williams falling into a gorilla exhibit joke, but it just seems a little too obvious. Let's just move on.

  • 3) "Elvis" Monkey Among 200 New Species Discovered In Vietnam

    Hunk-a-hunk of burning monkey. Wait, wasn't that a few stories back?

  • 2) Lab Chimps See Daylight For First Time

    After 30 years of captivity, these chimps see sunlight and grass for the first time. It's pretty amazing to watch their reaction. The heartbreaking and heartwarming story of the year.

  • 1) Research Finds Poop-Throwing By Chimps Is A Sign Of Intelligence

    That's right, throwing feces is a sign of brain development. Now, everybody get out there and celebrate Monkey Day!

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