Monday, June 11, 2007

Monday Monkey Keywords

We are starting a new feature here at Monkeys In The News. Half of the fun of looking at the blog stats for Monkeys In The News is the interesting keywords people use to happen across our blog. Each Monday I will present you with a select few of the most interesting and strangest keywords from the previous week, purely for your own amusement. Enjoy:

  • who was the largest primate that ever lived?
  • why is an orang-utan in the news at the moment
  • monkey with beer
  • how trees are useful for monkeys
  • monkey herd
  • what happens to monkeys that break their arms?
  • what happens when pet capuchin monkeys get violent
  • boxing monkeys
  • monkey drinking beer and smoking
  • ape eating monkeys
  • monkey attack otter
  • how to capture a kinkajou
  • ape hanged as a spy
  • paris hilton comics
I would like to personally apologize to the one person who was mislead last week while trying to search for Paris Hilton comics.

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Jonny the Monkey said...


I am Jonny the Monkey, number one most famous celebrity in all Kazakhstan. Good friend Borat have great success movie film, but still only number four most famous...

Since Jonny be capuchin monkey, can easily answer you visitor questionings...

* who was the largest primate that ever lived?

That be King Kongs. Hims film be #1 movie in Kazakhstan ever since release in 1933... until Borat movie come out.

Jonny, who top host of Kazakh children TV show, also star in many porno film including "King Khram" where me fight off Kazakh airforce hanging gliders while stand on top of Almaty water tower (tallest structure in country). That movie make almost 300 of your U.S. dollars in theater!

* why is an orang-utan in the news at the moment

That orangutang famous U.S. and A. movie star from "Every Which Ways but Loose" which costar famous movie actor Clits Eastwoods (who also play actor character 'Dirty Harold').

Orangutang actor in news now because he eat fermented bananas and drive golf cart into tree. Now in rehabs center.

* monkey with beer

Always fun when monkey have beer or other alcohols! When aways from home making promotion of movie films, Jonny usually drink whisky with my gypsy assistant. Sometimes me get so drunk, wake up in morning with pants on backwards and 20 dollar bill in teeth. *High Five!*

* how trees are useful for monkeys

Trees useful for monkeys because be high off ground so get more range for when have to throw poop at someone.

* monkey herd

That be Jonny's ambitioning in life - to have herd of monkey wifes! Wa Wa WEE Wa!

* what happens to monkeys that break their arms?

Scream in pains and then throw potato at gypsy assistant head, even if he not responsible for accident.

Jonny would be silenced by break arm since me use 'sign language' to talk with gypsy assistant and also sexy gorilla lady Koko who also know signing language.

* what happens when pet capuchin monkeys get violent

Throw poop at you, fresh from anoos.

* boxing monkeys

That cruel punishment to box a monkey! Only woman and gypsy should be in box or cage to keep from run away at night.

* monkey drinking beer and smoking

That favorite time for Jonny! Along with drink whisky also smoke cigar and drive motorcycle.

Plus me like to dress up like Humphrey Bogarts and smoke cigarette.

* ape eating monkeys

That sound like porno film Jonny once star in with gorilla man and lady capuchin monkey - but that story not suitables for family audience...

* monkey attack otter

If monkey attack otter, there be no chance for otter. Jonny would crush him!

First throw poop to blind hims, then jump on back and pull on ears until hang loose like wet speghettis.

* how to capture a kinkajou

Jonny not want to capture kinky Jew. In additions to being crime to mate with jew in Kazakhstan, also afraid would get poked by her horns.

* ape hanged as a spy

That almost happen to Jonny! Me serve in Kazakh army for briefs time and do spy work against dirty Uzbeks in neighbour country. Jonny get captured but escape by ride goat to border.

* paris hilton comics

Jonny actually stay at Hilton in Paris and lounge act usually feature comics...

Entry into the Paris Hilton be quite exclusive, and once inside is very spacious - at least for Jonny - and not too humid. But no one allowed to enter in the rear.

Me hopes that answer your reader questionings and you keep up good writing about monkeys.

Once monkey and ape conquer planet, we put you in very spacious cage in zoo with own hotdogs and hambooger stand!


NOTE: This comment was 'hand signed' by Jonny the Monkey to his gypsy assistant Batyr, who then translated and typed those words here.

casey sorrow said...

Very nice, thanks for clearing those up Jonny.